To move forward, we mustn't look back

Let me be honest here, I have a hard time letting the past go.  I hold on to it like my 12 year old sister so adamantly cherishes her iTouch.  Sure, I can forgive, but I struggle with the concept of letting go.  I don't enjoy talking about the past either.  I feel as if I discuss it with others they will see me as I was, broken and confused, not as I am now.  I'm not proud of who I was, but I'm excited of who I have become and where I'm going. 

 The other day some past bitterness leaked into a chat and before I knew it I was telling my story.  Normally when I convey this rather depressing story I leave lots of parts out.  I fear if I tell too much I will find myself in the same position I was before, alone.  There have only been a select few people that I have chosen to tell this to.  Frankly, I don't see the benefit of telling everyone I meet.  It's not relevant to today.  Today is today and yesterday is the past. But this time was different.  I felt safe.  I felt as if I could just talk, without the fear of being judged.  I told my story with confidence and complete honesty. 

While I have had a great life, there have been a few times when life had not been good.  There was a time in my life when I felt lost, lonely and hurt.  My family has always been supportive, but I was not always very good at talking with them.  I developed a knack for keeping all my feelings inside.  As far as other people were concerned, I was okay, but inside I was miserable.  I realize that it's hard to anticipate the future when you still have a death grip on the past.  I've let most of it go and I have forgiven those who hurt me, but I find myself occasionally reminded of these past experiences.  And all at once they all come flooding back.  But then I look at myself today.  The differences are numerous.  I've learned to step out of my comfort zone and walk forward.  But not without an occasional backwards glance.  I look at myself and see someone who has been saved, redeemed and renewed.  And now, there is only one thing left to do.. stop looking back.  I'm sure most of you have seen a horse, clad with blinders on his face.  The horse has no choice but to look forward and keep walking, regardless of what is behind him.  I need to make the choice to move forward at a quick pace, and to never even think of looking back.  The past is the past for a reason.  God has blessed me with my own testimony that I can use to further his kingdom.  I have come to the realization that these experiences were only to make me stronger in my faith, and they did.  I hope that I can let go of the past and happily walk forward in anticipation of what is yet to come.  I am happy with where I'm at, but the credit can go to no one but my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Jesus Christ took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
      -Philippians 3:13-14


Thanks for listening :)