"Failure" is just a word

I sometimes tell people, "Random is my middle name”, due to the plethora of random things that exit my mouth on a daily basis. But last week was different; random had been subconsciously substituted for stressed. But not just any kind of stressed the super duper kind. Last week I was set to take my very first CLEP test. Exciting? Yes. Overwhelming? Maybe. Fun? Absolutely not! Perhaps this lack of enjoyment came from the particular test I was taking. Analyzing and interpreting literature. I love reading! But analyzing?? Really? The whole week consisted of memorizing terms till I could say them in my sleep, analyzing poetry, prose and drama. Learning new words, taking those dreaded practice tests and learning meter and iambic pentameter. Now some of you may be wondering what those last words are . . . meter and iambic pentameter. Well, basically . . . uh . . . uh . . . um. . . I have no idea. Actually, out of all the material I studied that section was the only part I had a difficult time understanding. Thankfully, none of that was on the test. *phew* Now, I can honestly say I have a much deeper appreciation for literature.


It was Monday night, a whole 2 days before my test, and I was staring at the workload in front of me with exhausted reluctance and pure hatred. It wasn't that the test was going to be extremely difficult, I just had a mounting fear that I would walk in there and fail. And not just any kind of fail, the miserable kind. This was the wrong kind of attitude you have. Mom, with her never ending words of encouragement, walks back to my room and tells me that my own worst enemy for this test is the one and only Mr. Attitude! Hmmmm, I thought, I'll show him. And I think I can honestly tell you that I did indeed, show Mr. Attitude who's boss.

With never ceasing prayer and constant encouragement from my family and friends, I was able to adopt the right attitude and pass my CLEP. I walked out of the room slowly, thinking of how I was going to jokingly trick my mom into thinking I didn't pass. It was a failed attempt. I was so relieved, I couldn't help but smile.

I was so afraid of letting people down that I had completely forgotten who I still had on my side. Jesus Christ. What did I possibly have to fear? That day, he showed me that I had absolutely nothing to fear, I was just unnecessarily worrying and over thinking things, as I sometimes do.


So . . . failure? Eh, it's just a word.